wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As shirtless as possible
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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