had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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