I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
