uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
