So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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