I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
