Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
