im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
