Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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