Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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