my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
