she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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