The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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