fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
