im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
