i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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