I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
