i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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