Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Someone signed my nipple.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
