I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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