That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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