Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
