we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
