youre lurking in front of me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
