I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
