areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
