He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
