I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
