You're my little dorito
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
