i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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