She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
