smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
