Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
