Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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