just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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