I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
