And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
