AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to calm my uterus...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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