Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
