my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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