if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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