Only a mothe r could love this liver
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
