I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
