we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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