I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
