I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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