I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Of course I have a pirate flag
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
