I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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