I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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