2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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