Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
