Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
