I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
FUCK WHALES
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