as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
