it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
