My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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