All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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