I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
