Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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