omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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