Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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