Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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