I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
