I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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