If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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