every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
