im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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