I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
