I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
