you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
